


Open up your worried world and let me in

by Tovarich



Series: Good Omens Celebration 2020 [9]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Body Worship, Fat Shaming, Good Omens Celebration 2020, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tovarich/pseuds/Tovarich
Summary: Aziraphale goes to his favourite café to enjoy their delicious pastries, but unfortunately overhears people laughing at him. He goes home feeling devastated. Crowley is determined to show his angel how loved and beautiful he is.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Good Omens Celebration 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727137
Comments: 17
Kudos: 130
Collections: Good Omens Celebration





	Open up your worried world and let me in

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt for the 9th day of the Good Omens Celebration was "Doubt", I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> The title is from "One for the razorbacks" by Green Day

Most days, Aziraphale was fine with his body, some days, he even liked how soft he was. Crowley always told him he gave the best hugs and that his body was beautiful. And on most days, he believed it. Today was not one of those days, though. Aziraphale had gone out to his favourite café down the road to enjoy their delicious strawberry pie. It was something he often did and it always made him happy. Most of the waiters knew and liked him and they often chatted together when they weren't too busy. That day, however, there was a group of people at the table next to his and he unfortunately overheard their conversation.

"He comes here nearly every day," a man who must have been around forty said in a hushed tone. He was tall and lean and wore expensive clothes and an expensive watch on his left wrist.

The woman on his right giggled, "No wonder he's so fat then!"

They probably thought Aziraphale couldn't hear them making fun of him, but the café wasn't very busy that afternoon, and being an angel, Aziraphale had a better hearing than most humans. He didn't miss a single word of the conversation.

"He'd better do some sport rather than eat pastries all day. He could be handsome if he was thinner," a second woman said. She too was tall and thin. She had just the right amount of breast and hips and ass to be considered attractive according to fashion magazines. Her coral dress was enhancing each one of her flattering curves.

Aziraphale felt himself become red in the face. He wasn't so hungry anymore if he was honest. And even if he was, he wasn't sure he would be able to swallow the tiniest bite of the sugary treat. Gabriel's words rang in his head, echoing against the bones of his skull.

"Maybe that's his sport, though, walking to the café," the first man said in a mocking tone.

"Mustn't be very effective!" one of the women replied, slightly louder than she had meant, which attracted the attention of one of the waiters.

She quickly walked to their tables and said, "I'm sorry but I just remembered that this table was already booked, so I have to ask you to leave." She wore a deep frown on her face and her jaw was almost painfully clenched. It was taking all the self-control she had to remain minimally polite to the group.

"But," the first woman started, "but we've already ordered! We ordered three black coffees, two salads and a vegan cookie!" She cried indignantly.

The waitress gave her a tight smile in which she put all the hatred she had for people like this judgemental, superficial woman. "Which you haven't paid for yet. We don't have any vegan cookie left, anyway."

The three got up and left, grumbling, and glaring at the waitress.

She approached Aziraphale, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay, Mr. Fell? I'm sorry I didn't notice them earlier. Fucking pricks, that's what they are!" She was fulminating, how anyone could say such awful things and not be utterly ashamed was beyond her.

"Thank you, Najma, that was very kind. Please don't trouble yourself, I'm quite alright. They're not the first people to make rude comment about my weight, you know." He gave her his most reassuring smile.

"Maybe, but it's not normal and you should have to hear that sort of things. Those people should be ashamed of their behaviour." The world was an unfair place, Najma knew it. But Aziraphale was the kind of people who made it a better place; he always had a kind word, he was always there to lend a hand or offer support. That man was an angel and she hated that he had to deal with terrible people judging and insulting him about the way he looked.

Aziraphale took her hand and squeezed it. "I know it's not normal, dear girl, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm alright really, I promise."

He left a few minutes later. Najma hadn't seen him smile so sadly in a long time.

* * *

When Aziraphale arrived at the bookshop, he immediately went upstairs to his room and looked at himself in the mirror. He ran his hands on his body, above the layers of clothes he was wearing. His belly was soft and pudgy, his flabby thighs were touching each other, his face was too round, his arms too thick. And was that a double chin? He had become even fatter than before in the months after the failed Apocalypse. Oh he had been eating too much, way more than usual. He ad wanted to savour things without having to look over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching him and Crowley and look where it got him! He had been too self-indulgent and now he was paying the price.

Gabriel's words still echoed in his skull in a litany of 'lose the gut', never ending, never giving him any respite. The words had hurt when Gabriel had said them, but they had cut even deeper afterwards, when Aziraphale's treacherous mind decided to use that cruel weapon against him. Oh, and what could Crowley possibly think about him? There was no way he could look at him and think 'that man is handsome!' Absolutely no way. And after all, he had seen the way people looked at them when they were walking hand in hand in the street, the way they glared at Aziraphale as if he had personally offended them, thinking 'how could a handsome man be stuck with such a fat little thing?' Because Crowley was handsome, there was no denying it; his flaming hair looked amazingly soft, his hips swayed in a tantalising way which attracted a number of appreciative looks from both men and women, he gave off an aura of danger that was absolutely irresistible. Crowley was simply perfect in every aspect. How could he look at Aziraphale and think the angel was pretty? Why did he even stay with him when he could have so much better. Maybe it was the force of habit; they had known each other for such a long time. Maybe it was pity; Crowley always argued he wasn't nice, but he truly was the kindest person Aziraphale had ever met. Whatever the reason was, it couldn't be because he found Aziraphale attractive. The idea hurt more than Aziraphale thought possible, a lot more than what anyone could ever say to him.

Aziraphale walked to his bed and slowly sat down. Tears were falling from his watery blue eyes, staining his rosy cheeks. His heart was heavy in his chest and his throat felt so tight it felt almost impossible to breathe. He didn't know how much time he spent with his eyes clenched shut and his head in his hands, fingers gripping at his short blond hair. He heard footsteps on the wooden staircase and tried to dry the tear tracks on his cheeks, tried to look as happy as he always was.

"Hey angel, are you here? Didn't find you downstairs," Crowley said before slowly pushing the door open. When he saw Aziraphale, he almost ran to him and kneeled beside the bed, placing a hand on Aziraphale's knee. "What happened?" he asked, his voice worried and confused.

"It's nothing, really," Aziraphale sniffed, "don't worry, darling." He tried to smile but failed miserably. A stray tear chose this moment to slide down his cheek to fall on Crowley's hand.

"Please, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong," Crowley implored, looking up at Aziraphale.

The angel looked so sad, it destroyed the demon's heart. To see the person he loved so deeply in such a state was intolerable to him, it was worse than the most vicious torment Hell could ever put him through.

"Please, please angel. My perfect, beautiful angel. Tell me what happened, please. You can tell me everything, you know. You know you can trust me, that I'll always stand by your side."

Aziraphale snorted, "I'm not beautiful and we both know it Crowley!" He hadn't mean to say those words so harshly. He hadn't meant to say them at all. But they were out now. "I'm fat and I'm ugly and I don't understand how you can even stand to look at me, let alone love me. And I'm grateful that you love me despite how fat I am, but please, don't lie. Don't say I'm beautiful when I'm clearly not."

Crowley blinked a few times, confused by the outburst, by Aziraphale's words, by his tone. Aziraphale looked devastated and now Crowley had an idea why, but he couldn't comprehend it. How someone so gorgeous could think of themselves in such a way was beyond his understanding.

"Aziraphale, I don't love you despite your being fat; I think you're the most stunning creature to ever have stepped on this planet. I adore every single inch of your body, every centimetre of your skin is a blessing. I love you. I love you angel. You're fat and beautiful and I wouldn't want you to change for anything in the world, because you're perfect just the way you are." Crowley tried to keep his voice quiet and gentle, but inside he was seething. He would find the person who had caused Aziraphale to feel this bad and he would make them regret the day they were born. He wasn't usually a big fan of torture, but he would have no mercy for the arsehole who had dared to hurt his angel.

"How can you think that? How can you possibly mean those words? You've seen me, you've seen how fat and ugly and undesirable I am…" Aziraphale still couldn't believe Crowley. Those were just words, the demon was trying to be a good friend, a good lover, a good companion. He was trying to be kind, because for some reason he loved Aziraphale, but there was no way those words were true.

"Angel," Crowley said as he got up, cupping Aziraphale's cheeks with both hands, "you trust me, right?"

Aziraphale nodded, looking at him in a perplexed, curious way.

Crowley extended a hand, waiting for Aziraphale to take it. "Come with me, let me show you."

Crowley guided Aziraphale to the mirror, getting behind him with his hands on the angel's soft shoulders. "Let me show you what I see when I look at you," he whispered in Aziraphale's ear before kissing his cheek. "Those round cheeks are soft and beautiful, they have those adorable dimples when you smile." He kissed down to his jaw, silently asking for permission to take Aziraphale's bowtie off. When Aziraphale nodded, he gently opened the knot and traced his long, thin fingers up and down his throat. "That throat is amazing to kiss, it feels perfect under my lips, under my teeth," he said lightly biting on the soft flesh. Aziraphale closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, exposing more of his throat to Crowley. The demon chuckled and placed a few kisses on his throat.

"Open your eyes, please angel. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror. Want you to see how absolutely stunning you are. Can you do that for me, please?" He kissed Aziraphale's cheek affectionately. He wanted Aziraphale to know how loved he was.

Aziraphale opened his eyes and locked eyes with Crowley's reflection. The way Crowley was looking at him, so full of love and admiration, was intoxicating, it made his head buzz with a pleasant warmth. He couldn't think of another he felt so beautiful, so desired. Crowley was there, with his hands and his mouth all over Aziraphale, touching him with so much reverence, as if he was the most precious thing in the world. His expression was so open, the look in those beautiful serpentine eyes was so sincere, that it took Aziraphale's breath away.

"I'm going to take your waistcoat and shirt off, is that alright?" Crowley asked, his hands roaming over Aziraphale's chest. "If it gets too much you can ask me to stop any time."

Aziraphale didn't reply right away. He was usually fine with Crowley seeing him in varying levels of nudity, but this felt much more intimate than anything they had ever done before and quite frankly, Aziraphale wasn't entirely sure he was ready for that. But then, he met Crowley's eyes in the mirror once again, and all his hesitations vanished.

"Yes, that's alright, dear," Aziraphale answered, nodding his head.

"Thank you, angel," Crowley said with another kiss, this time to Aziraphale's still clothed shoulder.

Deft fingers started opening his buttons, one by one, stopping now and then to caress the exposed skin. And once Aziraphale's shirt was off, Crowley pressed himself against Aziraphale's back and wrapped his arms around his soft waist. He buried his face in the crook of Aziraphale's neck and inhaled the angel's familiar scent.

He kissed down Aziraphale's neck to his right shoulder, pausing there. "Hmmm, broad shoulders, perfect for me to hide behind whenever I'm scared, perfect to offer protection." He kissed Aziraphale's shoulder blades from the right side to the left. His lips ghosting on the fair skin of Aziraphale's back while his hands rubbed circles on his hips. His lips went down Aziraphale's arm, tongue darting out to lick at the soft skin. "And those strong arms, always ready to offer comfort and protection. Do you have any idea how much I love being held in those gorgeous arms?"

Aziraphale was shaking a bit, flooded by so many emotions. He had tears in his eyes, but this time they weren't induced by sadness. He loved this demon, he loved him so much and he didn't know what exactly he had done to deserve having him by his side, but he was extremely grateful for this regardless. Crowley had a golden heart, he really was the kindest creature Aziraphale had ever encountered.

"Hey, are you alright? Do you need a break angel?" There was a bit of concern in Crowley's voice, but Aziraphale promptly reassured him.

"This is perfect, dearest. I can't thank you enough. I love you, Crowley." Aziraphale's voice cracked a bit at the end, but his smile was happy this time.

Crowley kneeled and kissed Aziraphale's palm, passionately, reverently. He put all his love in each little kiss he lay on Aziraphale's skin. Turning his hand, Crowley kissed each individual knuckle, before pushing his lips against the back of Aziraphale's hand. He repeated the process with Aziraphale's other hand. "Do you understand, angel," Crowley said, "do you understand how completely how love you. I'm all yours, I've been yours from the start, and I'll always be yours."

Tears fell from Aziraphale's eyes. He ran a hand through Crowley's hair, as gently as he could. "Thank you, Crowley. Thank you so much. For being there for me, always. I can't find words to express how much I love you."

Crowley got up, he kissed Aziraphale's forehead, his damp cheeks, his little nose, and finally those delicious lips. "I think I'm not done savouring that perfect body of yours," he whispered in Aziraphale's ear, playfully biting the earlobe, "still got a lot to explore, haven't I?" With Aziraphale so close to him, his warmth reaching Crowley's skin even through his clothes. "You think this belly is ugly? Do you have any idea how good it feels, so soft against my hard bones?"

Aziraphale giggled, a wet sound that sounded amused and intrigued. "Does it really feel good?" There was still a hint of insecurity in the angelic voice and Crowley hated it.

"It does, best thing in the world. And you know what's even better?"

Aziraphale shook his head, wondering what could be so good about his belly.

"It's the belly of someone so full of love. Love for the humans and all the things they invented; all their different foods, all those books they wrote. Love for me; me who loves to watch you eat. Do you know how happy it makes me when I see you looking so delighted as you eat your favourite pastry? You love the world and your body is soft and beautiful to reflect that love."

Aziraphale's cheeks were burning, he couldn't even imagine how red they were. What Crowley said was lovely and it pleased him, but he couldn't help the shyness he felt at that exact moment. Crowley's hands were on the soft expanse of his middle, rubbing circles on them, his attention was directed toward Aziraphale and Aziraphale only. It was oddly calming at the same time. Crowley's mouth travelled from Aziraphale's cheek to his collarbone, licking and nibbling it. A breathy sigh escaped from Aziraphale's half opened mouth as his eyes closed once more. He placed another kiss to Aziraphale's sternum and then kissed his way up to Aziraphale's lips.

"I don't deserve you, dear. But I won't complain because I'm extremely happy to have you in my life," Aziraphale whispered against Crowley's lips.

Crowley gave Aziraphale's lips one last time before saying, "Let's go to be, angel. Let me hold you for a bit." Crowley was tired and he imagined Aziraphale must have been exhausted from all those emotions. He wanted to lie with Aziraphale in his arms, close to him, safe and happy.

Aziraphale lied with his head on Crowley's hard chest. It felt strangely comfortable in a way most people wouldn't think it could. He could distinctly hear Crowley's heartbeat in his ear, feel the steady rise and fall of his chest and he felt at peace in this precise moment. Crowley held him tightly with one arm while his other hand was stroking Aziraphale's blond curls. He kept doing it until, eventually, Aziraphale fell asleep.


End file.
